How to Make Decorated Uncle Sam Hat Sugar Cookies

Sometimes I over complicate things. And by "sometimes" -- I mean "very nearly every stinking second of my life." Like taking my kids to the pool. A normal person would make sure everyone is wearing a swim suit and sunscreen and...that would be it. But I have to make sure that everyone has a perfectly fitting, age appropriate swimsuit. And 2 kinds of sunscreen because the spray kind makes their eyes all red when they get splashed too much by the crazy 4 year old we've got around here. And they need towels that are long enough for them to lay on, but not so wide that they touch the ground when they put them around their shoulders. Because I do NOT want to be bringing dirty puddled pool water back to my house. And they need shoes that can get wet, but also shoes that they can walk in since I make them walk the 3 blocks to the pool. (The horror!) And snacks. But not amazing snacks because I want them to swim, not eat. But not gross snacks, because then they

How To Make Decorated Firecracker Sugar Cookies for the 4th of July

Something awful is happening at my house, late at night, when no one is watching. I didn't even realize it was going on for months. I never thought it could happen to me. I took NONE of the necessary precautions. I lived my life without a SECOND of thought of prevention. I was so foolish. And now I have only myself to blame. Don't be like me. Treat your couplers well. Be nice to them. LOVE THEM. Tell them how much you really appreciate them. Take them on a spa day every now and then "just because" and not as an apology. Because one of these days, you're going to realize that all of your rings are disappearing. They are leaving you. And you'll never get them back. I don't even know where my rings have gone. I can't go crawling to them, asking them to forgive me. I'll never get that second chance to truly make them feel loved. And while I mourn the loss of those rings and truly, truly wonder how in THE WORLD I have ended up with o

How to Make Decorated Statue of Liberty Cookies

I don't understand how my children are still alive. They've basically stopped eating every food that is not straight sugar. I used to divide a week of dinners between food I KNOW they will eat, and food I want to trick them into eating because it's actually healthy and a little bit of variety will really help them develop into the socially responsible adults I know they are destined to be. It used to work. But these days? It's like I'm trying to feed them dirt. Mixed with bugs. And poison, apparently. Because they start freaking out as soon as they see me coming. They don't even LOOK at the food first. HONEST-TO-GOODNESS....they've even melted into their little puddle of "I'll never eat again and you can't make me because I can scream longer than you have patience for" with a PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH. I am officially out of ideas. I stopped giving them snacks. And it's not like there is some magical fairy living under the stairs t

How to Make Decorated Starfish Cookies

I took my kids camping last week. Camping is basically a dirt nap sandwiched between two tornadoes. There's all the planning and food buying and the filling and the stuffing of bags with clothes that are actually all wrong for the weather that is coming for you, only you don't even know it because all seven weather channels that you checked said it would be warm and sunny. And you're up ridiculously late finishing the laundry so you have all those so very necessary perfect items and up early putting all the food in a cooler with a giant block of ice that is already started to join that great ocean in the sky and you somehow manage to corral all those little bodies into one singular vehicle only to have everyone wish they could be anywhere but that vehicle for the next 3 to a million hours or so. And then you get there and the kids explode out of the car like they've never breathed air before. Ever. In their entire lives because clearly you live on a submarine and

Decorated Picnic Ant Cookies

Okay, so that whole, "walking until your legs fall off" thing...that's not really true, right? Because I got a Fitbit a few weeks ago and joined some crazy "challenge" where you try to walk more than steps than everyone else. And as it turns out.... I'm a wee bit competitive. And now my legs don't work anymore. They said they need a break. And lemonade. And maybe a new movie on Amazon. And I told them they could have the break and maybe the movie...but the lemonade is right out. And then my legs were all, "Who are YOU to judge us? It's not like you're actually making those cookies you were supposed to have started hours ago. We see your browser open to Pinterest." And then *I* said, "It's  Netflix." And then my legs stopped talking to me. And I can't decide if that's a good thing, because really...talking legs? That's just weird. But on the other hand...maybe they are secretly plotting my demise during

Easy Decorated Grill Cookies for Father's Day or a BBQ

If we're being completely honest here, my house is a mess 95% of the time. If you've ever come over and it doesn't look like a child's bedroom after you asked them to pack a bag for grandma's's because my husband will be home in 15 minutes. Or because he just got home. Or because you came over for dinner and it's only been 15 minutes since you arrived. That's it. Those are the only occasions where you might possibly come to my house and see actual floor between the stuffed animals and the crafting supplies and the socks (OH. MY. GIDDY. AUNT. Is it *so* impossible to wear the EXACT SAME pair of socks for an entire day??!!)

How to Make Decorated Little Man Cookies for Missionaries, Weddings, or Prom

I always thought I would have a house full of boys. I had everything planned out. I intentionally didn't buy good furniture because I didn't want to freak out when it inevitably got broken from one too many flips over the back. I was determined that I would " raise boys not grass ." We have TWO basketball hoops. And baskets for muddy shoes at every entrance. And enough railroad tracks to ship snacks from the kitchen to the basement. And only one little boy at this house. It's so confusing. I mean... I was a smidgeon of a tomboy growing up. I climbed trees and played tackle football with the neighborhood boys. ( Oh my goodness!! Where were all of our parents?! It's a miracle I ever made it out of that neighborhood alive. )  I delivered furniture during college and worked at a boys summer camp in the summers. I wore long socks and tennis shoes for YEARS of my life. As I mentioned earlier this week... I know very nearly nothing about being a girl. If anyone

Easy Decorated Elder Missionary Cookies

It has come to my attention that I somehow made it all the way to grown-up girlhood without *actually* learning how to do any of the things that grown-up girls should know how to do. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to file my nails. I've tried metal nail files, plastic nail files, emery boards.... I even tried those big foam rectangle things that the good smelling and fashionably dressed sales people are always trying to get me to buy when I pass them at the mall. But it always ends the same -- tears, ice cream, and weirdly jagged nails that just have to be cut shorter. I mean... WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??!! I thought the whole point of filing my nails was to even them out so I don't have to clip them like an over-sharpened pencil. I'm also incapable of dressing myself in any presentable manner. How does a person even go about knowing how long capris should be? Or sleeves? CAN you wear a brown belt with a navy top? Are belts even okay anymore? Do you say

Fantastic Find: Micro Jars

I like painting on cookies. I love luster dust and I mix my own custom airbrush colors. And I have a cookie cabinet full of tiny plates and dishes with all my custom food color splotches all over them. I just can't bare to wash them when I put little pieces of my soul into each color. But my custom airbrush colors just go dumped down the drain. Every time. And if I accidentally forgot to decorate just ONE more cookie...(What?! Who ever forgets one more cookie on a different tray than where it belongs?!) ... I would have to attempt to re-mix my colors again exactly. But it always turned out to be exactly-ISH. And I would hide the poor cookie on the bottom of the platter even though it never did anything wrong. Poor little cookie. I just couldn't handle being that kind of monster. So when I saw these Micro Jars , I knew in my heart that they were meant for me. It's basically a hard plastic case with 30 TINY jars inside. The jars are about 1 inch by 1 inch. Which is be

How to Make Decorated Ruffled Wedding Dress Cookies

I went to a wedding today. It was a picture-perfect... complete with a tiny flower girl chasing the petals she's just thrown and a ring bearer striking a pose for anyone who would look at him. I am unbelievably happy for the couple and all too aware of how things have changed since my own wedding. Getting ready before: Oooh, I only have a couple of hours. I should start putting my dress on and take an entire hour to make sure my make-up is just right and then just sit for a few minutes by myself to really enjoy this moment. Getting ready now: OH. MY. GOODNESS!! We only have 20 minutes until we have to leave! Everyone to your rooms!! You can NOT wear that! Go find a dress! Where are your shoes? Wash your face! Comb your hair! Let me put it on for you. Hands up! Hands up! Up! UP!!! Gah. Give me your arm. I'll do it. Bring me back my shoes! Someone take that kool aid away from little P! In the car! In the car! What?! Why do you not have shoes on? No. I'll