If we're being completely honest here, my house is a mess 95% of the time. If you've ever come over and it doesn't look like a child's bedroom after you asked them to pack a bag for grandma's house...it's because my husband will be home in 15 minutes. Or because he just got home. Or because you came over for dinner and it's only been 15 minutes since you arrived. That's it. Those are the only occasions where you might possibly come to my house and see actual floor between the stuffed animals and the crafting supplies and the socks (OH. MY. GIDDY. AUNT. Is it *so* impossible to wear the EXACT SAME pair of socks for an entire day??!!)

Once upon a time, I didn't know how to make cookies that looked like anything but a sadly mishapen chocolate chip cookie. And then I watched a hundred million hours of a magical thing called YouTube videos and became an expert in practically everything, but most importantly SUGAR creating things. And it kind of created a little cookie making monster out of me. And I liked that. The end.

  I cut down some trees this week. Three of them. Unless you want to count all the wild little trees growing all by themselves in my side-jungle....which some people might call a side yard. In that case, you could say that I cut down 67 trees this week. All by myself. With a CHAINSAW. You know what I'm talking about, right? It's got a little rope-pull thing with a handle on the end of it. It smells like you could light yourself on fire just by thinking about a sunny day and it's so loud that I can still hear it in my sleep 5 days later. Either that or my children are crying and I'm subconsciously turning their crying into a sound that I find more peaceful. It really could go either way on that one.

It's here! It's finally here! The day before the last day before Father's Day!! Oh my goodness, did you ever think this day would really come? Oh man, Father's Day is practically on our doorstep. So exciting. You know what else is exciting? I'M HAVING A LINK PARTY!!

  When it comes to Father's Day, my mind can only think it two directions -- Tools and Ties. It's not my fault. Okay, maybe it is. But I was thinking that it might make me feel better to blame it on something else. Like maybe one day when I was coming home from school, I got kidnapped by ninjas and they brainwashed me to only think about tools and ties for Father's Day. And then they gave me a snack and we played backgammon and it was pretty much the best day of my life, except that at the end of it all they also had to brainwash me into not remembering the whole thing. So actually, its kind of tragic really. You should probably feel a little bit sad for me that such a happy adventure was so cruelly ripped from memory at such a young age. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that this event took place sometime around 7 years of age. Or 10 years of age. One of the two.

  Welcome back to Father's Day Week!  In case you are wondering....this is still the perfect plan. I am determined that the anticipatory celebration of the holiday will only serve to increase the fun (havoc) on the actual day. So far, my children have destroyed the house in their search for those elusive ties we bought six months ago in preparation for Father's Day. They broke my husband's tape measure while fighting over who got to put the tape part back inside the case. My 5 year-old got jealous that there is a Father's Day and is now making his own plans for Children's Day....which according to him will be on Monday and my husband is expected to give him a gift and a toy and a treat. Also, due to some 2-year-old temper tantrums, we had waffles for dinner last night, instead of meat on a plate . All in all, this week has been wildly successful so far, and I just can't wait to see what the next few days bring! At least we know that in internet-land, today...

My husband loves Christmas. To be fair, he loves holidays of all kinds. But he reserves a special excitement for Christmas. He starts putting up the tree while finishing off the last of the pumpkin pie from Thanksgiving. And then my kids start to go crazy. We end up with like 7 different paper chains and count-down charts and they get to mark every day off on the calendar and each night before they go to bed they recite how many more times they have to brush their teeth before this giant day of excitement and anticipation will finally be there. I was thinking that all the other holidays would be more fun if they had a season leading up to them too. So at our house, this is going to be Father's Day Week. We're going to hang awful looking ties all over our house and scatter tools across the bookshelves. We're going to sing Father's Day songs and make special Father's Day meals, like Meat On A Plate. (The plate is optional.) And then on Sunday when my husband wake...