I have something to tell you. It has nothing to do with cookies. And everything to do with this song.




I AM COMING TO AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!
For real. In just over THIRTY DAYS I will be heading to the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.


I'm totally excited out of my mind, and completely terrified at the same time. My husband will be staying here for a few more months, so I will be flying with 3 children, 2 car seats, 5 suitcases and 4 carry-ons for a full  24  hours through 3 countries, 4 airports and checking my luggage 3 times. That's no big deal, right? In case you are wondering how well my children travel, when I flew over here (also without my husband) my son was standing up in his seat singing, "I'm going to be naughty" in the middle of the 12 hour flight. I've clearly got some planning to do. Any advice?

Also.... tell me everything! I've been gone for nearly 3 years.  Do cars in America fly yet? Or do they still drive on those rubber wheel thi…

Will you hate me if I admit that I don't love conversation heart candies?  They taste okay. They're not fantastic... but they are definitely higher on the list of things I'd like to eat than say... chalk or dirt. It's kind of a weird color combination if you ask me, and above all... the grammar... I just can't get past it. My eye starts twitching and my tongue gets stuck in the top of my mouth. And then on top of that, my 5 year old wants me to define "Babe" and "Be my icon." 

So... these happened.  I tried this out because I wanted to know if it would work. And it did. Mostly. But don't try this until you read the whole post. It's not without limitations. But it is fantastic for what it is.


Remember when you were in college and you were dating two people at the same time, only they didn't know it so you asked your roommate for advice and they told you to just enjoy it all until it blows up in your face? It's kind of like that.…

Cancel all your plans this weekend. Make new plans with me. And these cookies.

Seriously. Go ahead and turn your Saturday alarm off. Don't get up early and be productive. Don't go to the gym and get all sweaty and healthy. Sweaty is overrated and you'll probably just be thinking about these cookies the whole time anyway. Either that or you'll be thinking about that guy on the machine 3 rows over and wondering if he's *actually* going to use it, or just lean around it some more while talking about that epic work out he did last week. And then you'll start wondering if you should tell him that the girls behind him left 10 minutes ago. But then...what if he really is that self-centered and he's not just trying to impress people? That could get awkward. You should probably just fake fall off the treadmill. That's what I would do.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down a minute. The words you are using -- I can't understand them.

You sleep in. On Saturdays? Huh…

We need to rethink the holidays in January. We might need a new one.  And not one of those holidays where you're supposed to "really look at your life" and then think about all the things you did over the last year that didn't work out so well and then lie to yourself by pretending that you aren't going to be you anymore and you're instantly going to be this other person that looks like you but has an infinitely better credit score and wardrobe. And also that other person has a kitchen that cleans itself... (Because let's be honest, if you are going to dream, you may as well go big.)... only to fall into complete and utter despair 9 days later when you realize, you are still the same person, you are actually going to have to work on those goals, and the sun is never going to stay past 4pm ever again.

January needs a real pick-me-up kind of holiday. You know, something with bright colors and sparkles and cotton candy. There should be block parties and bon…

I have kept myself pretty busy today.

I did two half loads of laundry. And by that I mean I *washed* two loads of laundry. I even dried them both. But then I tried to trick my husband into folding the first load by putting it on our bed when I knew he would be going to sleep before me tonight. But then he tricked me back by not caring. Also... has anyone ever successfully gotten an entire load of laundry out of the dryer in ONE armload? Because I'm starting to think that it's not even possible. The very fact that it can't be done pretty much guarantees that I will try it. Every time. And it certainly doesn't stop a certain grown up adult man in my household from laughing at me every time I try to grab the last sock only to drop some unmentionables.

I washed every dish in my entire house. For some reason they were all in the sink. You would think we eat actual food here. I was surprised to discover just how many spoons I own. I always kind of thought that the set only…

You know when you were in high school and your teacher would post everyone's grades on the wall and secretly you spent more time checking out everyone else's scores instead of your own just because you had some desperate need to know how many people did worse than you so you could appropriately manage your own self-worth in relation to their score instead of valuing yourself on your own merit, skills, and personal achievements?

Life isn't like that.

But it kind of is.

But only because we make it that way. And I'm a little sick of telling myself that every one of you out there is taking a screen shot of my blog posts and holding it up to every other cookie that was ever decorated just so you can peg me in a hole and discount my entire being because 237 people make way better cookies than I do. I don't have the steadiest hand. I'm not fantastic with tiny details. I don't come up with the most ingenious designs and then perfectly execute them on a daily ba…