Quick and Classy Turkey Cookies

I kind of make a lot of turkey cookies. If there was some kind of Code of Cookies and they put a limit on the number of different kinds turkey cookies that a person should make in their lifetime, I probably would have already broken that code. And then the Round Table of Cookie Decorators would have to cast me out. And I would run away clutching my PME tips to find a cave to live out the rest of my days, eating only root vegetables and blemished fruits. And still I would find a way to make more turkey cookies. And not because I even like turkeys. Because I don't. Not even a little bit. They are actually quite repulsive to me in every possible way --

1. They are birds. Birds have feathers. I hate feathers. In fact, I LOATHE feathers.
2. They make crazy noises. I hate crazy noises.
3. I don't eat meat.
4. That *thing* that hangs off their beak. Eeewww. Right?
5. All those actual feathers means crazy complicated cookie designs.

And THAT, my friends, is why I make a jillion turkey cookies every year. Because I'm desperately hoping the next one will be THE ONE -- the turkey cookie that will end all turkey cookies. The one that is easy and simple and lovely and well....everything a real turkey isn't.

And I'm not really sure how this guy feels about me, but I think this is the turkey cookie design that I want to spend the rest of my life with. (Is it too soon to say that out loud?) It's everything I ever hoped for in a turkey cookie. Here, let me show you.

1. Flood a cookie in cream icing. Let it dry for a few hours at least.
2. Antique your cookie using luster dust or watered down food coloring and a brush.
3. If you want to, you can even paint some words on there. If you need some ideas, I used these words -- Family, Feast, Gathering, Gratitude, Love. Once you paint the words on there, grab a paper towel and get it just a tiny bit wet. Then dab all over the top of the letters to make them look blotchy and kind of old. I forgot to take a picture of this step so those words up there are an actual font. Rest assured, my actual painting was just as messy as you think yours will be. If you're still not feeling up to it, you *could* just skip steps 2 and 3 altogether. This turkey is cool like that. He'll still respect you in the morning no matter what you choose.
4. Add a scallop pattern with a fun purple icing. Or orange or brown or go crazy and use turquoise.
5. Outline the turkey body with brown icing and #2 tip. See where the blue line is? Outline that first. Keep the neck really skinny because it will flatten out and get weirdly wide if you aren't careful. And then outline a HUGE eye hole. Make it at least 3-4 times bigger than you want. Because again, that icing does what it wants and is going to push in and make the eye much smaller. Pipe the beak next.
6. THEN you can fill in the turkey head and neck parts and add the wattle.

What do you think? Classy? Easy? Quick? I really might be in love this time!!