self portrait in cookie form

 You know that "average American" they are always talking about? That's me. I know. It's crazy. I'm super famous. But don't worry, I haven't let it go to my head or anything. I still make my kids dinner and I only pretend that I'm incapable of cleaning bathrooms some of the time. Okay, most of the time. But, I swear my husband actually really likes cleaning bathrooms. He doesn't hate it at all. I know. I'm not sure I believe him either. But MAYBE he's just so psyched out of his mind to be married to someone so incredibly average as me that he gets confused sometimes and thinks that we are talking about rock climbing instead of cleaning. There is no way to be sure, really. I am. Average beyond belief.

Average height - 5 feet 4 inches.   CHECK.
Average weight  for my incredibly average height  --- umm, we'll come back to this one.
Average time on phone calls in a day - .09 hours -- CHECK. (honestly though -- Who PAYS for these studies?!)
Average number of vehicles owned - 2 -- CHECK.  (But don't even think about stealing one of them. They are both Korean and one of them looks like a cable repair van. And they both have cracker crumbs mushed into the seat. Seriously. I'm not joking. Don't try to steal one. But if you do...and don't tell my husband I said this...go for the little one.)
Average number of income earners - 1.3 -- CHECK. (I'm counting all that spare change I find in the gutter as my 0.3 contribution. Hey -- it all adds up, right?)
Average number of children - 2.3 -- CHECK. (Except that right now, it's a little closer to 2.5)

What I am trying to say here is that I look like this:

Except that if you saw me in real life, you probably wouldn't want to eat me. Because that would be super weird. And I don't actually own a shirt that looks like this. But some day I might. And I do wear brown boots with black pants. Someone with any amount of fashion sense is going to have to save me some day.

I think this is actually the first cutter I ever made. You know, back when I was in my twenties...and still living in America.

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